Date, say what?

It's been 7 months since Tony died. Time to move the hell on. Oh hell, who am I kidding. I'm lonely and odd curious about dating. I am fascinated by the fact that I can date and talk/flirt with men. It's stupid and crazy really. I think it is just something to take my mind off what is really going on in my life. A new obsession, of sorts, and damn I suck at it.


Now, I haven't gone on any dates. Not sure that I will ever make it too that point to go on a date. I have only chatted with men through text or messenger and let me tell you it has been one crazy week. I was chatting with one man for around three weeks. I was suspicious of a few things and that helped me out. But the story goes he asked me for $1400. So yeah, can we say scam artist?


The other guy I have been texting. Well, I like him. I felt like he liked me right up to the point he asked my sister out!! Yeah. I know. Thank goodness she told me so I didn't get all wrapped up and hurt.


And my third chatter. Well, he thought seeing his mom naked was hot. And that was that.


So, I am going to tuck my tail between my legs and say "fuck it" and go lay in bed and feel sorry for myself.

Things not to do when you are crazy...

I have been crazy most of my life. Not really hearing voices crazy (unless you count the voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like my mother which constantly tells me "your too fat", "your not good enough", "no one will ever love you"....) but more of a avoidance of all that is stressful, uncomfortable, unpleasant and many other "un" words. Crazy in the way that I thought everyone's family was as dysFUNctional as mine. Crazy in the way that I keep doing the same thing over and over and truly do expect different results (although I like to call this type of crazy; optimism). When you are semi-crazy like me there are just things you should avoid. Things like (semi-colon or colon here? hummm):
      1. Horoscopes, especially those online like on Myspace. Why? They seem harmless enough even if they are the work of the devil. Because they will eventually say things that will be pertinent to your life and then you will obsess over them endless. You will no longer be able to sleep because you will hear the horoscope of doom in your head "something which has been lost or hidden may come to light now. Secrets (not the secrets, don't you know how many secrets crazy people have. I mean come on people, damn!), long-buried feelings and desires, or skeletons in the closet could be revealed (oh fuck). This is also a time when you can easily go to extremes...(really, me extremes, surely you jest)...*taken from Myspace daily horoscopes, get yourself one*. Seriously, though, just avoid horoscopes at all cost. What is going to happen will happen, even if you know about it ahead of time.
      2. Calling your mother. Crazies should never talk to their mother. Ever. Never, ever, ever. Why? says all you mother-lovers out there. Because your mother is the reason you are crazy, duh. Calling her is like poking the bear with a stick, attached to a pot of honey, which you happen to be holding and did I mention the bear was hibernating and you are too fat to run?? I mean come on unless you live with your therapist, don't call your mother!
      3. Making decisions. Don't make a decision when you are crazy. Wait till the craziness ebbs a little bit then make the hell out of decisions, because if you make a decision when you are in full-on craziness you will end up with something permanent like a husband or a bad tattoo. *Please note, not making a decision is making a decision...and you wonder why I am crazy....*
     4. Well, I am getting tired here. So I am thinking I am going to let four be up to you, my crazy friends. Four could be a number of things for me, like; sending a letter to an estranged friend's mother and thinking it is a good idea, drinking (never a good plan), shopping (I think I am a Kennedy when I shop), eating (because I binge, never purge, just binge) and many other fun things! 

Wow

Today it a much better day. I actually slept for four hours straight, twice. So, basically I slept for a grand total of eight hours and I feel like a new woman. Yeah me! Sometimes, when I get in a mood like I was yesterday I blog because if I don't my head will explode, then I go back and I am tempted to delete the blog I wrote because A: they aren't usually good blogs and B: I think they make me look bi-polar, unstable, crazy umm a bit emotional. However, once posted I do not like to delete blogs. As my friend Phyllis has been known to say "it is what it is", thus the poorly written, semi-crazy sounding blogs stay. *sigh* Don't ya'll feel sorry for Tony having to live with a mess like me?

As for Weight Watchers, they can kiss my ass this morning. I want something full of fat, sugar, cream, eggs, butter and taste. Where is Paula Deen when a fat girls needs her? I actually had dreams about a luscious cheeseburger last night, loaded with all the goodies, slathered in Miracle Whip, bacon, BBQ sauce, and all the fixings and I cried a little because I could never take one juicy bite during the dream. Not even one bite. This morning to attempt to satisfy this craving I had a vegetarian mushroom burger, with cardboard tasty wheat bread, lettuce, a snort of mayo, and a salad with fat-free cheese like substance and dressing. It was well, it was, not a cheeseburger. But I am full and I have meet some of my daily requirements. Tonight it weigh-in and I don't think I am down a damn pound. I am going to have to suck it up and start exercising and the mere thought of exercising makes me want to barf. Wish me luck.