Childless

I have started many a blog about being childless in this world where procreation is the norm but I can never seem to finish a blog or a journal entry or a thought or really a conversation without crying or lying but here goes the good ol' college try. Tony and I are childless and if you don't know that, well, where the hell have you been living all this time (I actually said "well you are a stupid fuck" but I am trying harder to be a softer, gentler Angie). There, I said it and I didn't die. I don't feel the pang in my chest near like I used to when I tell people we don't have children. Because well, we don't and we never will have them. Children were not our lot in life. It was never a purposeful decision on my part. I let nature take it's course and it's course was never pregnancy. Not once, never. I come from some kind of fertile family too so it has been hard at times. My poor step-mom would LOVE a grand kid and whelp, nothing going on here. Sam's in jail and I won't post David and Amber's personal business on here (you have a free pass this time) so, she is just going to have to be happy until it happens and it will eventually. All good things in time, right?

So, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am avoiding the whole point of this why do we not have children? We wanted kids when we were both just kids ourselves, Tony wanted a girl and I wanted twins, a boy and a girl. We never really tried but we never really didn't try. As we aged we realized nothing was happening, I would privately cry (believe that one or not) when someone announced their pregnancy and just go on with my life. I have been bitter about it a time or two, I would love to have some sweet baby feet to love and kiss, but as time has progressed I realize that God (or whomever) knew what they were doing when I didn't have children. And now I am pretty much at a point in my life that I no longer want or long to have children. I am happy to be an Aunt Sissy and I can leave things at that.

Now to the nitty-gritty with all this being said why didn't we adopt or foster? Well, I am totally down with that and I know that I have enough love in my heart to share, however, Tony doesn't feel that he could love something that did not spring from his loins (not that there is much springing there these days), so, it's not a fight I am willing to explore. How unfair would it be for me to force that on child? I am an ass on the best of days but not that kind of ass. So, childless we shall remain.

Which brings me to my next adventure. I want the box that children come in to be scraped, burned, removed, sold on eBay or some shit. I want it gone. It does not behave like a normal human. It bleeds without stopping and it makes me all crazy and lord knows I am crazy enough as it is. What am I going to do about it with all the medical bills I have already obtained? Play amateur surgeon! I know a few nurses and I think we could do this, all we need is a balloon full of scalding hot water, an IV and some sedation! I would even bite on a leather strap, if needed. So, who's in on it? We can even post it on YouTube (OK not the graphic parts but you know that shit would be viral). Any takers??