I am going to old school it today and play pretend. I am going to pretend that Tony is not sick and I am not me. I am going to pretend that all my bills are paid-in-full and on time. I am going to pretend that I have a functioning relationship with my Mother. I am going to pretend I have a job that I love and that I am not dying on the inside. I am going to pretend that every-fucking-thing is roses, rainbows and kittens. I am going to pretend that the glass ceiling doesn't exist and there equality no matter of color, gender, sexual preference or size. I am going to pretend that Christians act Christian-like and everyone treats each other with love and respect. I am going to pretend that there is no pain or suffering and no one ever senselessly dies.
Maybe I should refocus my pretending because the above shit is a tad bit heavy for pretending. Methinks I must try again. I will channel my inner child, which doesn't happen to often because that cute girl with the fuzzy hair and pretty smile is afraid of the bitter hag that hangs out front. I think with some candy and the promise of a story I can get the inner child out and precede with the pretending.
I am going to pretend I live in a castle, not one of those "real" castles that are cold, dank and a bitch to heat but a warm, inviting castle whose walls are made of bubble wrap in bright vivid colors and whose floors are bouncy. In my castle, everyone will be happy. Not annoying, cloying, fake happy but honest, true, can't help but feel it in your heart happy. Everyone will work together for the greater cause, be kind and gentle. There will be no tears in my castle without hugs. There will be no bitterness in my castle because there is no room for bitter in a heart that is full of happy. There will be lots of sunshine but occasionally, there will be rain. The rain has to come to wash out the old and gently encourage the new.
In this castle I will be beautiful. Not what society deems beautiful because what society thinks is beautiful is just fucked up and fake. I will be beautiful because I will be happy and at peace and that beauty radiates from inside out. You, too, will be beautiful when you are in my castle because the happiness is plentiful and I want to share it with you. Now things won't always be happy in my castle because there has to be pain and suffering so that you know the joys of happiness and peace. But the pain and suffering in my castle will be met full-on with love and light and when the time comes, when the end is near, peace will fill our hearts with knowing that we did the best we could do, that we are leaving the castle a better place just because we were there.
So, let's pretend together about my castle, you and I.