Monday, December 31, 2012

Ringing in the New Year

It's another New Year Eve. Whoo-fucking-who. Yeah, yeah, yeah greatful to be alive and all that jazz. Yeah, it is flippant but who are you to judge my blog? Move along, dillhole. This is all about my whine and not some hippie, rainbow butterfly bullshit about how everything could be worse, better, sideways, life is what you make it shit. I am feeling sorry for myself and dammit I am going to have a good wallow in my pity. Thanks. Now that that is out of the way let's get to the meat and potato of the matter. Why am I wallowing? Because, I can fuck-tard. Have you met me? I LOVES me some good ol' fashion pity wallowing. Hell, it is one of the best things I accomplish in life. I am damn proud of my wallowing abilities, they are pretty awesome. I can possess sighing and bed-riding abilities like no other. What is bed riding? Well, that is the ability to lay in bed for obscene amounts of time, while sighing and occasionally having human contact. I can ride that bed for days at a time! The only wallowing ability I do no possess however, is lack of hygiene. Sorry to disappoint you but while I may wallow I do not smell. I might look smelly but if you get close enough, which would involve you climbing in my bed, you would notice a nice whiff of clean ass, just throwing that out there for your pleasure.

My inner hope wants me to be like 2013 will be my year. Yeah! Let's go team and all that jazz but then my inner reality is all like "really bitch and how well has that rah-rah bullshit worked out for you in the past"? Then ensues the drama, level 1, requiring immediate attention aka retirement to my bed, so I can attempt to hide my crazy. Attempt being the key word. Le sigh.

This year there will be some changes as change is already in motion and you know what a bastard change can be. And damn, do I do change well or what?! Love it. Love change, love, love, love it. Makes my warm-fuzzies all warm and fuzzy. Woot.

So, as the New Year draws close, have a drink for me, my friends. Raise your cups to wallowing and self-pity, change and hate. Cheers.