*Cricket cricket*

I have been horribly quiet on the blogging front. Even I was surprised how long it had been. The months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds just zoom past me while I attempt to grab them and corral them into some sort of memory that doesn't involve work and sleep only. Sadly, that is about all I accomplish. I don't work as much as some. I rarely pick-up extra time but I work all I can manage. My weight is currently at its highest and dammit I am killing myself. There are times when I get home I have to sit in my car because I am so damned tired I can't get myself together to make the "trek" into my house. Oh, yeah and the "trek" is about ten steps. What a "trek". And I am horrified to think about what I am going to do when I am working five, eight hour nights a week. Between my exhaustion and my mental state I am scared but damn the money is good right?

One of the biggest reason's I don't blog anymore is I have nothing new to say. No new bitches that I can blog about because I don't change much and everything I could or would bitch about would just get me in trouble. I have learned this lesson in the past. Of all the lessons to learn! Why can't I learn a fun lesson like, how to pay your bills on time? Or, how to stop fighting with the crazy in your life because crazy wins every fucking time? Or, you can't participate in life from your bed (this will probably be a lesson I will never, ever learn).

I am approaching my 20th wedding anniversary in a mere three months. 20 years, who knew it was possible. Will there be 20 more? Hush your mouth. I don't plan on living another 20 years. If I did I wouldn't stay the size I am, I wouldn't keep on doing the same shit over and over again. I would learn healthier habits. I would eat less and move more. I would deal with my stress. I would, I would, I would. I would be the little engine that could but instead I will be the fat girl that won't.