Monday, November 7, 2011

I can't, I can't and why can't I?

I suffer from the I can't syndrome. Not familiar with said syndrome? Well, let me let you in on it, you just might suffer from it, too and lord knows misery loves some company! I can't syndrome is the voices in your head (or sometimes even out of your head) that tell you, you can't do that, whatever "that" may be for you. My "that" varies from "I can't walk that far" or "I can't stand one more day of this shit". It has became the mantra in my head even invading my sleep at times. Well, most of the time. The voices in my head are not kind to me. They are full of self-loathing and doubt. They are full of questions that have no answer and they are full of "I can'ts".

In reality usually when the "I can'ts" come out it is because I am feeling insecure, unsafe, overwhelmed or just not good enough, so pretty much every-fucking-day I wake up alive (damn, how much would it suck to wake up dead? Talk about a crappy Monday). They start as soon as I open my eyes "I can't get out of bed" then make it to the chair for a "I can't go to work tonight" then to work "I can't do this one more night" then again to home for a "I can't walk in this door". Now, usually, I make it out of bed, to the chair, from the chair to work and back from work into the house. Repeat on any given day.

A rather unhelpful family member used to say "I can't did nothing". Seriously? Well, I can't all the damn time and I do stuff. Sometimes, I even save people lives. So, where, am I going with this blog today? Well, I dunno really. Just wanted to say to all the "I can'ts" out there, that in reality, you aren't an "I can't" you are an "I can".

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