Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Fear, My only true friend

I am one of those lame fearful-type people. I stay at a job I pretty much despise because it's safe and I know it. I live close to my family (well, not too close, I am fearful but not crazy) because I am not brave enough to up and move (like those I know, Kasey). I stay fat because fat is safe. I know fat. People tell me I am pretty as I am and I can't imagine how that would change if I were thin. Lame huh? I am sure there are a thousand other reasons I chose to stay fat but those are for another day. OK?

I wish I had more to say but tonight my story is not really my story. The story is Tony's. He is the one having a hard time. He is the one that wants to move. Far away from this place. Leaving behind hurt and betrayal, so he thinks. What I don't think he understands is life follows you no matter where you go or what you do. Someone out there never lives up to your expectations of them. They hurt you or make you confused. It's just the nature of people. So that is what I tell myself so we don't have to leave. So that fear keeps us in shittown ohio. In a dead place that is just rotting from it's small mindedness, it's drug addiction, it's own sickness.

Maybe things will change. Maybe I will change. Maybe not. It's not my call at this point. My life is never my own.


Kasey said...

Awww, Angie, I wouldn't call myself brave. I just do what I have to do.

If you guys are thinking seriously about moving, maybe you should. Moving to TX, as much as it sucked, really was like a do-over for us as far as getting away from his family.

And even though Ohio is still my home, I am not used to living there anymore. I actually LIKE living someplace else.

I don't know how you feel about NC, but if you ever want to come down and check out the area, you are more than welcome to stay here with me.

Angie's Lil' Nothings said...

That is funny you should say that because that is where we were discussing moving. There is some "hip" place there that is supposed to be supersafe and really cool. I can't think of the name off the top of my head. It is scary. SCARY, scary and I still think some of our problems will just follow ya know?