Thursday, May 10, 2012

My life the crisis...

Yeah, yeah the title is dramatic. Don't like it? Well, who the fuck are you and why the fuck do you care what I title my blogs? Are you the blog po-po? The foul-language Nazi? My mom (btw if you are my mom, my blog title will be the least of your worries)? I guess what I am saying is I am kind of at a point in my life that I am tired of trying to please everyone while I remain horribly miserable. It is time, time for me to make some changes. Now I know, I get all fired up and decide I am going to change, it lasts about a week, a day, 10 mins and then I am back to my old games. Well, I am sure at this point in my life if I don't change and change soon I am going to die. Like prob not die die but more of a personal death. I am afraid of this death. I don't want it. I am so full of hate and anger and confusion. I struggle daily with everything. Like literally everything is a struggle, shit that shouldn't be a struggle just wears me out. I don't care about myself or anything right now. I am mean to people that don't deserve it like my hubby and my co-workers, both of whom are insanely understanding most of the time. Bad thing about a shit attitude is sorry only works for so long. So, we are back to shit has got to change. Like yesterday. It has to change.

Change, what am I going to change? Well, I am going to write. I plan on writing. I want to write. I need to write. I am sure there are going to be things that I write that is not going to make people happy and I am sure that a lot of the writing is going to suck. But, I think perhaps writing will invoke a change. I am optimistic about writing. Writing tends to soothe my savage beast.

Hang in there with me, my friends, as I am hanging in there for myself. Things will be better. I am going to leap out of my box, perhaps to leap back in, but this hate has to go. Hate is not welcome anymore in my life. I don't think this will be easy and I have to let it go...goodbye hate. Hey, hate, wait, before you leave, will you take a some bills with you? I don't really like them either. Oh yeah and maybe some fat off my ass? It's not really doing anything for me, so take all you want.

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