Monday, September 28, 2009

GreenCast Powers Activate!

This is a picture of my new "leg" if you will. This is called a knee-walker, some moron invented this so skinny, coordinated people could get around while they were non-weight bearing. I can just see them now with the wind blowing in their hair (straight, shiny, blonde, clean hair), smiling as they push themselves along with ease. Shopping and going out to eat, maybe even to work with this handy device. Wow, once again wouldn't it be great to be skinny, those skinny people get all the breaks. What does that mean for my fat ass? Well, it means, that I am a youtube video in the making. My snazzy blue thing only wants to go right, like a broken shopping cart. So as long as I am only going right I can do so with ease. Circles, I have those down-pat, no problem-o. Going straight? Well, straight is for suckers and I ain't no sucker.

Being non-weight bearing these past couple of days has taught me a few lessons that I think will really help me in life:
One is do I want it or do I need it. I have to REALLY need something to get up because it is a pain in my knee and leg and my left wrist (for some weird reason?). Wants, well, I have to save those for when Tony is around and I can only get so many of those wants met and you know what. I have not died because my wants have not been met.

Two, do I really want something to eat or am I just bored? I am not really coordinated enough to cook. I found this out yesterday. I tried sitting and cooking and who knew there was a height requirement for cooking? I didn't until I about burnt my face off. Not a good thing. I like my face. It is really a handy thing to have. I see with my face, talk with my face, I do all kinds of shit with my face. And I want to keep it that way. I can get snacks and make a sammy but it is not easy to get it anywhere and I don't want to look like a pig, sitting in a chair eating in front of an open fridge ya know?

Three, don't take using the bathroom and personal hygiene for granted. And I know you do because I did. Try wiping your ass one legged, I dare you. Skinny people this might not be a problem for you, so fuck you. Wanna take a bath, well just jump on in there. I can't. Tony has to help me in and out of the tub. And you know what he told me yesterday when I wanted a bath??? You are not doing anything to get dirty, so you don't need to bathe everyday. Which is probably true but I wanted a bath damnit.

Four, if someone wants to help you, let them. There are times I need help and now is one of them. It is hard to be a control freak and let go. I really don't have any control over anything. I don't really think anybody does. I can attempt to control my attitude and not be a total pain in the ass but other than that, eh it is what it is.

Five, don't stick anything in your cast. I did, the dull end of a flyswatter and guess what? I still scratched my ankle with it. Now I get to go to the dr and have this cast removed and another one placed on my leg (maybe it won't be neon green). Hopefully, I won't get an infection because I was stupid.

I suppose that is all for now. I really, really, seriously, need to be working on my paper. I have no excuse not to have it done.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Hope things improve with the foot. Your blogs crack me up. Have u ever thought about being a comedian. hehe