Writing a letter to my 1989 year old self, a rather cool, stolen idea.
I am writing this letter to you and I really would appreciate if you would listen to each and every word and fully grasp and understand the meaning behind them. You are 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. You are full of self-doubt, self-loathing and fuzzy hair. What you don't realize is you are beautiful, smart and funny. People like you,I think, who can really tell in high school?
What I want you to do is be true to yourself. So what you like metal music and it makes you feel bad because everyone else likes pop or country. Who the hells cares? It really doesn't matter because people are still going to be your friend. You read a lot, I know it is because it takes you away from your real life but real life still happens. Be present in it, be involved. You don't have to be on the outside looking in, you can be a part of what is going on. People love you, you can't avoid the pain, it just keeps following you.
Lying doesn't make or keep friends. Your friends will see right through those lies and in the end you will look stupid. You can't be anyone other than who you are. It's not possible. Have some faith in you. Yeah, you have to shop in the big woman's section and yes, Stacy Satterfield will never wear a shirt again because you wore it is school. Who the hell is she in the big picture? Your Gran bought you that shirt at the Mall and you love it. It is pretty on you, wear it and laugh.
Yes, your mother will leave you waiting or bumming a ride from various functions. She is an alcoholic and this demon will haunt you your whole life. You can't make your mother stop drinking or John from being mean. Yeah they fight but it's not your fight. It is embarrassing but it never stops. Accept it and move on. And she leaves you when you are a junior to live by yourself. It changes things, be ready.
Respect yourself. Don't act like a whore because you aren't. Your chubby and it sucks to be the fat girl in high school but it is what it is. Save yourself, just because a boy is willing and quite able to play feely-milly doesn't mean he loves you, or that he will like you tomorrow. More likely he will deny kissing the fat girl and well, it hurts but that is his problem not yours. And if it feels wrong, it is.
Visit and love your grandparents. They raised you and they won't be around forever. I know Gran drives your crazy about your mother. I still don't know what to tell you about that. Other than you can't avoid unpleasant situations forever. Even though as an adult you still try that tacit. It doesn't work. Eventually, you have to face your problems and your mistakes. No one likes it but it happens.
It is ok to not like people. You are going to find out you don't like lots of people throughout your lifetime. But remember it is ok for them not to like you either. And that is also ok.
Keep only those friends that make you feel good about yourself around you. This is a hard one. If someone is cruel and makes you uncomfortable, don't hang around them. Social suicide to go against the popular kids in high school, hell yeah it is, but it is worse to compromise yourself. Be friends with whom you want to be friends with. And those that don't want to be your friend for whatever reason, well, to hell with them.
You are a role model for your younger siblings. Remember that, your interactions with them does matter. Be kind and loving because there will be a time you will be all they have.
High school is confusing enough and life for you is harder than it should be so be easy on yourself. Love yourself, respect yourself, and hang in there. High school doesn't last forever. OH yeah about the frizz, it never goes away and shaving the side of your head, not a good plan! Love you, your 35 year old self....