Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Feeding frenzy

Blah, blah, blah is what I hear in my head. I am starving. I am weak. I go to bed thinking about what I am going to eat and I dream about what I am going to eat. Food is my obsession. And it is pissing me off. I started weight watchers at the end of last month. While I would love to say I have been a yo-yo dieter all of my life the truth of the matter is I am a good talker, not so good on the follow-through. The few times I actually did diet, I lost weight. I lost about 60ish pounds doing the adkins diet but as soon as I went back to eating food I gained all my weight back plus about 30 more pounds. It is hard for me. I never, ever remember being skinny. I was a small child until I was about 4ish and then I became chunky. I could go into detail here and speculation on why I became fat but it just brings up painful stuff. Things I am not ready to deal with. Maybe that is the problem. I am at a loss for words here. I am mad at myself for becoming as obese as I am. I am mad at those people that hurt me in the past that made me fat. I am just mad.

So I am guessing this weight loss journey is going to be more mental then about the food. Dammit. Time has come to change. Bah, too bad I hate change.

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